When I get paid more on public holidays I tend to prioritise and get the important things done such as making giant words with spinach leaves on the reception counter between each patient.
You may as well of asked me to write about the industrial revolution in Japanese right now. I don't know where to start here ! I've lay on my bed countless times this month racking my toxic mind on what I can write about ... but I honestly believe in the saying if you don't have anything nice to say then say nothing at all. It is however the end of the month and I am now seeing a thin layer of dew on the wilting yellowed grass.
I hate the unknown. It frustrates me and it scares me. My work environment has been very secretive and unsure for a few weeks. My natural instincts send me jumping to all sorts of conclusions and I find myself having to stop myself from going into overdrive. However this time my suspicions and hopes were in fact correct and major change has now come about. Work which was once my haven had become quite the opposite and was deeply effecting me. Disappointingly I resorted back to an old routine of punishment. What temporarily left me feeling numb and literally high one night, will now be there for years reminding me of such desperate times.
Retreating in my room, unable to go to yoga, avoiding friends and feeling so worthless I struggled through the first half of august. When I got home from work my mask came off and I could no longer smile and talk the small talk. My eating was all over the place. I ate nothing ... or too much ...
These two people - quite the opposite, one being calm and there when I need and the other jabbing and joking no matter what mood I am in have been my perfect combination to get me out of this sinking hole. Seeing Bree for the first time in over a month helped put things back into perspective; her positive caring nature and simplicity to life always gets me thinking. Along with my everyday rock Jeffers who listens to me go on about the most insignificant things, makes me laugh to no end and has bandaged me up almost every night for 3 weeks has given me hope and support once again.
I have realised I have a lot of fears, however three major fears - a fear of disappointing, a fear of being lonely and a fear of not meaning anything. These three fears are constantly questioning my everyday actions, sense of self worth and aspirations. Only now can I see that they are serving more than a questioning purpose, they are stopping me from moving forward, accepting myself and interacting with others.
A newborn baby has only two fears - the fear of being dropped and the fear of loud noises. We were all once newborns having only two fears, yet now have an endless list of fears. We are scared of spiders, heights, water, homosexuality, ageing, cancer, poverty ... you can name anything. All of these fears have evolved from personal experience but also have been ingrained from others and our sociological environments. A newly walking toddler doesn't think twice about running across the road to get his ball, yet his mum screams as she sees him scuttle over the clearly empty road. Why ? because she has seen a thousand stories on the news about children being ran over. A rich man would be terrified having to catch a bus home at night and walk down an alley way, yet a homeless man would be perfectly comfortable setting up a box to sleep in under a dark staircase. We aren't born with fears, we develop fears. When we are living in fear we are manifesting fear, because what we focus our energy on, we attract. It is important to have awareness of dangers, situations and our weaknesses however being fearful serves no greater purpose. Dreading how many years left you have to live or fearing something bad is going to happen to a loved one are not going to empower you and let you enjoy your everyday life. They are going to zap out your positivity and appreciation of simple beauty in the world.
My fears, like many of yours - are old, strong and deeply buried inside. However like all fears they have been developed, so they can be undeveloped. How ? By creating new beliefs rather than fears, practising positivity and challenging yourself to act against those fears.
You may as well of asked me to write about the industrial revolution in Japanese right now. I don't know where to start here ! I've lay on my bed countless times this month racking my toxic mind on what I can write about ... but I honestly believe in the saying if you don't have anything nice to say then say nothing at all. It is however the end of the month and I am now seeing a thin layer of dew on the wilting yellowed grass.
I hate the unknown. It frustrates me and it scares me. My work environment has been very secretive and unsure for a few weeks. My natural instincts send me jumping to all sorts of conclusions and I find myself having to stop myself from going into overdrive. However this time my suspicions and hopes were in fact correct and major change has now come about. Work which was once my haven had become quite the opposite and was deeply effecting me. Disappointingly I resorted back to an old routine of punishment. What temporarily left me feeling numb and literally high one night, will now be there for years reminding me of such desperate times.
Retreating in my room, unable to go to yoga, avoiding friends and feeling so worthless I struggled through the first half of august. When I got home from work my mask came off and I could no longer smile and talk the small talk. My eating was all over the place. I ate nothing ... or too much ...
These two people - quite the opposite, one being calm and there when I need and the other jabbing and joking no matter what mood I am in have been my perfect combination to get me out of this sinking hole. Seeing Bree for the first time in over a month helped put things back into perspective; her positive caring nature and simplicity to life always gets me thinking. Along with my everyday rock Jeffers who listens to me go on about the most insignificant things, makes me laugh to no end and has bandaged me up almost every night for 3 weeks has given me hope and support once again.
I have realised I have a lot of fears, however three major fears - a fear of disappointing, a fear of being lonely and a fear of not meaning anything. These three fears are constantly questioning my everyday actions, sense of self worth and aspirations. Only now can I see that they are serving more than a questioning purpose, they are stopping me from moving forward, accepting myself and interacting with others.
A newborn baby has only two fears - the fear of being dropped and the fear of loud noises. We were all once newborns having only two fears, yet now have an endless list of fears. We are scared of spiders, heights, water, homosexuality, ageing, cancer, poverty ... you can name anything. All of these fears have evolved from personal experience but also have been ingrained from others and our sociological environments. A newly walking toddler doesn't think twice about running across the road to get his ball, yet his mum screams as she sees him scuttle over the clearly empty road. Why ? because she has seen a thousand stories on the news about children being ran over. A rich man would be terrified having to catch a bus home at night and walk down an alley way, yet a homeless man would be perfectly comfortable setting up a box to sleep in under a dark staircase. We aren't born with fears, we develop fears. When we are living in fear we are manifesting fear, because what we focus our energy on, we attract. It is important to have awareness of dangers, situations and our weaknesses however being fearful serves no greater purpose. Dreading how many years left you have to live or fearing something bad is going to happen to a loved one are not going to empower you and let you enjoy your everyday life. They are going to zap out your positivity and appreciation of simple beauty in the world.
My fears, like many of yours - are old, strong and deeply buried inside. However like all fears they have been developed, so they can be undeveloped. How ? By creating new beliefs rather than fears, practising positivity and challenging yourself to act against those fears.