I find that I get stuck in chains … A chain of eating/bingeing on a certain food, a chain of anger, hopelessness, bad sleep, a chain of vomiting, avoiding people, excuses. I guess we all have chains but to what depth we get stuck is the issue. I seem to hit the bottom of the hole, get buried in and the grass on top starts growing before I begin digging my way out. It is SO hard to break these chains but we need to realise that they are not serving a purpose, they are harmful and they are bringing us down.
If I look on the scales I have put on another 3 kilos, which angers and disheartens me to no level because I have put in such hard work both food and exercise wise. However I’m going to try and focus on the positives because the more you focus on the good, the more ingrained and natural these thoughts become.
I have broken a lot of my recent unhealthy and unreasonable chains. My binges have been roughly every 3 days rather than every day and they have been significantly smaller, almost half the usual size. In fact I would now say I’m just overeating at times and occasionally bingeing. I have only thrown up once this week ! And my face and throat looks so much better for it. The swelling in my neck has gone down and my cheeks look slightly less inflamed. McDonalds, something I absolutely hate but have been punishing myself by eating literally everyday for about 2 months – I have not had in 5 days now. This one was a huge chain to break because at the end of every binge I would always end up at McDonalds, which makes no sense because you couldn’t drag me there in a sane state of mind.
Its been over a month now of doing yoga 5 times a week. I am gifted by being pathetically weak in my arms and SO inflexible in my legs it’s beyond a joke BUT I do feel that my strength is getting slightly better with every class. I hated every second of the classes for about the first week but now I look forward to going, it forces me to calm my mind too. Boxercise – oh where do I start with you ! I did my first class last week and in all seriousness thought I was going to have a heart attack. I cannot believe how unfit I am and it doesn’t help that I have my past elite level of fitness that I almost expect of myself. Sorry I lie I’ve thrown up twice this week, after my second boxercise session I collapsed in the shower and threw up. Mind you I did that session on a full stomach of sh*t. But what I took away from that session was that I never want to feel that way again.
Mirrors are killing me at the moment, I know I’m much bigger now but seeing myself sweaty and in tights makes me even more ashamed. Looking at myself with no make up on just makes me feel worse. And wearing the same pair of pants because nothing else fits me just reminds me of the depth of the hole I have let myself fall into.
Things have been hard at both work and home. The way I am treated by some of my colleagues is so demeaning and effects me immensely. I also feel I am being constantly judged and that my dad comments on every little thing. I need to stop letting others opinions and words affect me but this is a chain of steel that I think will be one of the hardest to break.
I missed my opportunity to start the new year with a positive mind and body so I am starting the new financial year with a positive mind, healthy food and exercise which will in time result in a healthy body.
If I look on the scales I have put on another 3 kilos, which angers and disheartens me to no level because I have put in such hard work both food and exercise wise. However I’m going to try and focus on the positives because the more you focus on the good, the more ingrained and natural these thoughts become.
I have broken a lot of my recent unhealthy and unreasonable chains. My binges have been roughly every 3 days rather than every day and they have been significantly smaller, almost half the usual size. In fact I would now say I’m just overeating at times and occasionally bingeing. I have only thrown up once this week ! And my face and throat looks so much better for it. The swelling in my neck has gone down and my cheeks look slightly less inflamed. McDonalds, something I absolutely hate but have been punishing myself by eating literally everyday for about 2 months – I have not had in 5 days now. This one was a huge chain to break because at the end of every binge I would always end up at McDonalds, which makes no sense because you couldn’t drag me there in a sane state of mind.
Its been over a month now of doing yoga 5 times a week. I am gifted by being pathetically weak in my arms and SO inflexible in my legs it’s beyond a joke BUT I do feel that my strength is getting slightly better with every class. I hated every second of the classes for about the first week but now I look forward to going, it forces me to calm my mind too. Boxercise – oh where do I start with you ! I did my first class last week and in all seriousness thought I was going to have a heart attack. I cannot believe how unfit I am and it doesn’t help that I have my past elite level of fitness that I almost expect of myself. Sorry I lie I’ve thrown up twice this week, after my second boxercise session I collapsed in the shower and threw up. Mind you I did that session on a full stomach of sh*t. But what I took away from that session was that I never want to feel that way again.
Mirrors are killing me at the moment, I know I’m much bigger now but seeing myself sweaty and in tights makes me even more ashamed. Looking at myself with no make up on just makes me feel worse. And wearing the same pair of pants because nothing else fits me just reminds me of the depth of the hole I have let myself fall into.
Things have been hard at both work and home. The way I am treated by some of my colleagues is so demeaning and effects me immensely. I also feel I am being constantly judged and that my dad comments on every little thing. I need to stop letting others opinions and words affect me but this is a chain of steel that I think will be one of the hardest to break.
I missed my opportunity to start the new year with a positive mind and body so I am starting the new financial year with a positive mind, healthy food and exercise which will in time result in a healthy body.