Sometimes it takes being stripped of almost everything to realise what is truly important ... what really matters. It has now been 3 weeks since I quit my job, which most of you would know IS MY WORLD. I love going to work each day, obsessively organising, sorting, mucking around and making my doctors laugh but most of all caring for our patients. By no means is it a job for me, it is what I look forward to each day, in fact I'm disappointed when it comes to my days off - I feel they have no purpose, that I never do anything worthwhile. When I was little I told myself that I never wanted to be like my parents ... coming home from work, complaining about all the crap that went on and all the a**holes that I have to deal with. Back then I made a decision - that I would be in a 'job' that I loved ... that I could come home from and reflect on positively, acknowledge perhaps wasn't so positive and look forward to the next day.
Not working is a real struggle for me. Apart from my morning training with Soph and Blake which I give my everything to - all I'm doing is sleeping, wasting time on my computer, the odd interview here and there and then most nights screwing up with my eating when it comes to dusk. Unfortunately this time of year doctors go on holidays and things are generally quieter in the medical industry; so finding a job is extremely difficult. The interviews I have had, have gone really well and been overly lengthy, which to me seemed like I would have a good chance of getting the job ... but I then waited to hear that they have decided to choose someone that has worked for the company before, has radiology experience and the best one ... is more mature, so will be able to fit in with their elderly clients ! What a load of responses ! Sorry I haven't worked for you before, sorry I've worked in a busy medical centre and not in a radiology department, sorry I am NOT HOBBLING or WRINKLED to make your elderly feel more at home. However as hard as it is, I'm trying to see it as - "it obviously wasn't meant for me" and just continue to look for other options.
For the most part, I feel that my mind and body are getting stronger, fitter and more determined... I know what I want, I'm lucky to have a few amazing people in my life and looking forward to certain things and possibilities. However on the other hand I still feel weaker than ever, so fearful and helpless at times. I feel my life is just waiting and hoping. Worrying, praying, wishing that things will work out; for a vast range of things, including what is the most important to me. And the hardest thing to accept is that I have no control over certain outcomes, it's not my choice or decision, I have almost no say, yet it affects everything ... determines everything for me. However I do have faith and optimism, because I know that it will all work out. Everything happens for a reason and some things are just meant to be. I keep telling myself it's a process, this feeling is not forever.
Take away everything ... strip yourself down the absolute basics and ask yourself what is really important. Put aside what others say, or may be thinking, what used to be important to you, what 'should' be important to you and actually work out what you want in life. What you want soon and what you want to have achieved or experienced when it comes the latter of your time. Many people go through life with regrets or wishing they had the courage to do something they wanted, to have taken that particular opportunity... The HONEST response - It is never too late ! The mind is such an extremely powerful mechanism. People learn how to walk again after debilitating accidents, win the battle against cancer after years of desperately fighting every septic cell, become multi millionaires after being told they are worthless and will never be successful, find happiness with someone when they had never imagined being happy, let alone finding their other half. None of these people have been lucky with what they have been dealt with, some of whom have struggled for years, a lifetime ... yet they have defied the odds. How ? In most cases - Hard work and support from friends/professionals, but most importantly A STRONG MIND - an optimistic, determined and goal orientated mind ! At some point they decided what they really wanted, put together their path, surrounded themselves by those who would enable them to move along that path and let go of those who were/would drag them backwards.
It's very easy to live day to day, take the easy option, remain in the same job, situation or lifestyle. And YES it IS hard, terrifying and sometimes risky to decide on what you really want, need, desire. But that decision to go a different way, quit your job, move overseas, end a relationship, enrol in university and take a different path ... will be SO worth it if you know it's what you want. You only have to make that decision once, tell your friends or family once, enrol once, book and pay for that ticket once ! The rest is yet to come - the possibilities, successes, excitement, happiness, love, experiences and memories are all to look forward to. That's not saying their may be doubt, setbacks, guilt or re-emmerging fear. However if from time to time you can strip yourself back down to your basic self again and reassess, remember and reiterate what you know is important, your end goal ... you'll remember why it is worth fighting for.
When something is taken away from you, decide whether you need it or not ... make a new plan, a better plan and start moving forward in the right direction. You don't want to be left wondering, stuck or left behind.
2013 has been the the hardest year of my life by far, I actually don't think I would have the strength to be able to repeat it. However at the same time it has also held some of the best moments in my life, opened my eyes to a new world and given me hope that I may be able to experience happiness after all. 2014 is going to be my year - that I have decided and 2014 is going to be your year too, if you too decide.
Not working is a real struggle for me. Apart from my morning training with Soph and Blake which I give my everything to - all I'm doing is sleeping, wasting time on my computer, the odd interview here and there and then most nights screwing up with my eating when it comes to dusk. Unfortunately this time of year doctors go on holidays and things are generally quieter in the medical industry; so finding a job is extremely difficult. The interviews I have had, have gone really well and been overly lengthy, which to me seemed like I would have a good chance of getting the job ... but I then waited to hear that they have decided to choose someone that has worked for the company before, has radiology experience and the best one ... is more mature, so will be able to fit in with their elderly clients ! What a load of responses ! Sorry I haven't worked for you before, sorry I've worked in a busy medical centre and not in a radiology department, sorry I am NOT HOBBLING or WRINKLED to make your elderly feel more at home. However as hard as it is, I'm trying to see it as - "it obviously wasn't meant for me" and just continue to look for other options.
For the most part, I feel that my mind and body are getting stronger, fitter and more determined... I know what I want, I'm lucky to have a few amazing people in my life and looking forward to certain things and possibilities. However on the other hand I still feel weaker than ever, so fearful and helpless at times. I feel my life is just waiting and hoping. Worrying, praying, wishing that things will work out; for a vast range of things, including what is the most important to me. And the hardest thing to accept is that I have no control over certain outcomes, it's not my choice or decision, I have almost no say, yet it affects everything ... determines everything for me. However I do have faith and optimism, because I know that it will all work out. Everything happens for a reason and some things are just meant to be. I keep telling myself it's a process, this feeling is not forever.
Take away everything ... strip yourself down the absolute basics and ask yourself what is really important. Put aside what others say, or may be thinking, what used to be important to you, what 'should' be important to you and actually work out what you want in life. What you want soon and what you want to have achieved or experienced when it comes the latter of your time. Many people go through life with regrets or wishing they had the courage to do something they wanted, to have taken that particular opportunity... The HONEST response - It is never too late ! The mind is such an extremely powerful mechanism. People learn how to walk again after debilitating accidents, win the battle against cancer after years of desperately fighting every septic cell, become multi millionaires after being told they are worthless and will never be successful, find happiness with someone when they had never imagined being happy, let alone finding their other half. None of these people have been lucky with what they have been dealt with, some of whom have struggled for years, a lifetime ... yet they have defied the odds. How ? In most cases - Hard work and support from friends/professionals, but most importantly A STRONG MIND - an optimistic, determined and goal orientated mind ! At some point they decided what they really wanted, put together their path, surrounded themselves by those who would enable them to move along that path and let go of those who were/would drag them backwards.
It's very easy to live day to day, take the easy option, remain in the same job, situation or lifestyle. And YES it IS hard, terrifying and sometimes risky to decide on what you really want, need, desire. But that decision to go a different way, quit your job, move overseas, end a relationship, enrol in university and take a different path ... will be SO worth it if you know it's what you want. You only have to make that decision once, tell your friends or family once, enrol once, book and pay for that ticket once ! The rest is yet to come - the possibilities, successes, excitement, happiness, love, experiences and memories are all to look forward to. That's not saying their may be doubt, setbacks, guilt or re-emmerging fear. However if from time to time you can strip yourself back down to your basic self again and reassess, remember and reiterate what you know is important, your end goal ... you'll remember why it is worth fighting for.
When something is taken away from you, decide whether you need it or not ... make a new plan, a better plan and start moving forward in the right direction. You don't want to be left wondering, stuck or left behind.
2013 has been the the hardest year of my life by far, I actually don't think I would have the strength to be able to repeat it. However at the same time it has also held some of the best moments in my life, opened my eyes to a new world and given me hope that I may be able to experience happiness after all. 2014 is going to be my year - that I have decided and 2014 is going to be your year too, if you too decide.